A Niverville man is looking to connect with other stay-at-home dads in the region while at the same time changing the conversation around men who choose to be the primary in-home caregiver during their children’s formative years.
For Damien Delfino, choosing to stay at home when his daughter Aria was born fit his life. He had recently left the Armed Forces and his partner Joanne Fullerton was working for the Canada Revenue Agency. Although the decision made all the sense in the world, Delfino says he still felt uneasy about it.
“It just became part of the conversation that I was going to be staying home for a while,” Delfino recalls. “As an ex-solider, I knew I would get a lot of flak for being a stay-at-home dad. Part of that gets in your head. Feeling like you have to explain yourself.”
As time went on, Delfino became more comfortable with his new role and came to embrace the unique difficulty of being a stay-at-home parent.
“It really challenged me in ways I hadn’t been challenged before,” he says. “It took me out of my comfort zone and I knew I had to be at my best.”
Two years after Aria was born, Damien and Joanne welcomed their son Daxton. By this point, Damien staying home just felt natural. And he says he has noticed attitudes about his choice have changed as well. “People saw how busy I was. Doing the cooking and cleaning. Organizing play dates, dance practice, soccer. I think my family was impressed.”
Delfino gives Joanne a lot of credit for his own evolution. She has two children from a previous relationship—20-year-old Tristan and 18-year-old Devon—so she was a great guide and partner as Damien struggled with the typical first-time parent challenges.
Damien’s and Joanne’s story is not as unique as it once was. According to Statistics Canada, there has been a significant increase in the number of dads staying home in recent years. In 1976, households where one dad stays home represented just two percent of all families. Today, that number is 11 percent.
Even though the stay-at-home dad is becoming a more regular feature in Canada’s demographic landscape, Delfino knows his ilk are still in the minority. That’s why he’s looking to organize the stay-at-home dads of Niverville to lend each other support.
“Being a stay-at-home dad is different from the moms,” he explains. “You can feel alone.”
A couple of months ago, Delfino reached out on Facebook, looking for other men in his situation. His idea isn’t too fancy. It can be as simple as play dates for the kids. Maybe the dads could chuck around a football. Men being men, nobody is expecting a deep discussion of feelings—just a chance to connect and share some parenting stories and advice.
After all, stay-at-home moms have been doing it forever. Though mom groups have always welcomed Delfino, he thinks dads could benefit from the same sort of supportive approach.
A few dads have reached out to him so far and he’s hoping more will take the step in the coming months.
“If it were just normal, that would be great. It really shouldn’t be that big of a deal,” he concludes. “I want my kids to grow up in a world of dads doing mom stuff and moms doing dad stuff.”
