While we’re social distancing and trying our best to protect the elderly and vulnerable among us, isolation and loneliness can be incredibly taxing on our own mental health. This is why Canadians all across the country are being challenged to “get real” with each other.
This week is Mental Health Week 2020, and appropriately the theme is social connection even in the midst of the pandemic. The Canadian Mental Health Association and partner organizations in every province are promoting Mental Health Week 2020 with the hashtag #GetReal.
So often we ask each other what has become a throwaway question: “How are you doing?” As we all know, the standard answer is “I’m fine.” Of course, we’re not all fine, especially now, especially with the current circumstances.
#GetReal is intended as a reminder for us to reach out for authentic connection with each other, to go deeper than “I’m fine,” to ask our loved ones how they’re really doing, and to be honest with each other—about the good and the bad.
For some of us, this might be an intimidating concept. We value our privacy and surely our friends and relatives do, too. It may feel invasive to ask for authenticity, and we may not feel capable of helping someone if they’re actually in distress.
Fortunately, you don’t need to be a therapist to be able to offer support to the people you care about, and everyone can become a caring and helpful listener—with a few tips.
Dr. Carl Rogers, one of the fathers of modern psychology, was a champion of what is often called person-centred counselling. Rogers spent his career researching the best ways to listen, support, and assist people who seek help for personal issues. After years of research, Rogers concluded there were three main attributes of effective helpers:
1. Genuineness. If we want to help someone, we have to be genuine with them. Our caring must be real and our actions must reflect our feelings for the people we want to help. Or, to put it another way, our insides must match our outsides.
2. Unconditional positive regard. If we want to help someone, we have to care about them without judgment or condemnation, not just feel sorry for them or pity them when times are hard. We need to unconditionally care about them where they are at, not where we would like them to be.
3. Accurate empathy. If we want to help someone, we have to understand them and the experiences they’re going through. We need to put ourselves in their shoes and think about what life must look and feel like from their unique point of view.
Counsellors, psychologists, and therapists around the world have been following these guidelines for decades, and the evidence is clear: they work. When people can tell you’re genuine, they are much more likely to open up to you. When people are cared for without judgment, they are less likely to hide their problems from others. When people feel understood, they are much more likely to find greater understanding of themselves.
Rogers’s work led to improved mental health for countless people, and we can all use it to help us improve the quality of connection we have with each other.
If you want to #GetReal with people this Mental Health Week, if you would like to reach out to your loved ones and authentically connect, consider following in Carl Rogers’s footsteps. Be genuine, show positive regard, have empathy, and don’t be afraid to ask people how they’re really doing. You, and they, may be very glad that you did.
