On July 3, 2023, sometime after 10:00 p.m., a fight broke out in Niverville between a group of teenagers. This is in and of itself is not news, as teenagers have been breaking out into fights as long as teenagers have existed.
However, what made this incident newsworthy was its severity. Weapons were involved, youth were transported to the hospital, and RCMP officers made the rounds to look for witnesses.
For a relatively small town like Niverville, it was a big deal.
Though this was a crisis and certainly generated a sense of fear, the response from most people was healthy concern for all parties involved. Traffic on social media changed as people started checking in to ensure other members of the community were safe, and the admins of the popular Niverville Community Group on Facebook made a statement about the incident and shut down commenting and speculation while the RCMP did their work, to prevent the spread of misinformation.
The youths in question appear to have since been released from hospital, and it seems the incident has mostly been put in our collective rearview mirror.
However, on that fateful evening, and in the hours after it when information was scarce, parents in Niverville may have noticed that their children were affected by it. Children hear their parents talking, after all, and news can make its way across a small town faster today than ever before—and that’s saying something.
For adolescents, especially, the incident had an impact. Teens messaged their friends to ask if they were all right, if they knew who was involved, and if they knew whether everyone was okay. Parents may not even have been aware of the flurry of communication throughout the teenage network.
However, it’s safe to say that by the time the RCMP made their official statement, most of the local youth had a better grasp of events than their parents.
This brings up an interesting consideration for parents who may, in the past, have been able to control their children’s exposure to information. How do you help your child with the fear of navigating a crisis when they have a network of gossip, half-truth, and speculation literally at their fingertips?
Thankfully, recent world events have inspired educators in the social sciences to share their expertise.
Dr. Stephanie Sarkis, a psychotherapist and author, released a podcast episode shortly after the start of the COVID-19 pandemic about how to share information with children during times of crisis. Based on more than 20 years of clinical work with young people who had lived through challenges such as natural disasters, terrorism, and war, Sarkis offered several suggestions for parents.
She suggested taking a proactive approach by asking children what questions they might have about the event. Sarkis asserts that we should acknowledge our children’s fears and concerns while acknowledging our own limitations—that there are questions we can’t answer and events we can’t control—but assuring them that we will always do our best to keep them safe.
Other mental health professionals have also weighed in. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) Center, one of the largest providers of mental health services in the United States, has released free guides for parents who wish to help their children navigate complex thoughts and emotions after traumatic events.
Here is one possible plan for handling these discussions.
1. Create an opportunity to talk with your child about the events they’re hearing about.
2. Provide information at an age-appropriate level. Adolescents can handle more details than younger children and may ask more complex questions.
3. Allow them to discuss their fears and concerns, even if those fears and concerns don’t pertain to the incident in question.
4. Reassure them that there are no “bad” emotions and that their reactions are normal.
5. Create a plan together for what they would do if they found themselves in a crisis. This can help both parent and child feel more prepared.
6. Continue to create opportunities for them to talk to you about the event, since more questions may arise in the future.
Finally, parents must inevitably confront a key question: what should they do about social media? How much good can all the tips and tricks in the world do if your young person is on the receiving end of all their friends’ fear and anxiety?
Research about the mental health impact of social media has so far produced mixed results, with some studies showing mainly negative impacts and others showing surprisingly positive ones.
While a full exploration of social media’s impact on adolescents will have to wait for a future article, one thing seems clear: social media is here to stay. And removing your teen’s phone every time there’s a crisis may not be practical.
Limiting your teen’s screentime in general is still an appropriate action to take, but instead of taking away their access entirely during a crisis you might want to try accessing their phone with them. If they’re concerned about their friends, encourage them to reach out—and sit with them while they do it.
When they’re getting information, read the messages with them and discuss them together. What kind of questions might you ask? Here are some examples. Is this person a reliable source of information? Does this seem true to you? If it is true, what does that mean? If it’s not true, what does that mean?
In this way, you can help your child process the information coming at them.
You can’t control events in this world and you can’t control the influences your children may be exposed to, but you can control the kind of support they get. By proactively taking steps to explore their reactions to a crisis, you can ensure that they navigate the crisis in the safest and most supported way possible.
