Today’s generation of children are growing up in an unprecedented time of mobile connectivity. Landlines have been virtually eliminated, especially in homes, and cellphones are the number one way that people keep in touch.

Arguably, the device itself poses little risk apart from the potential hazards of electromagnetic frequency (EMF) exposure, according to some studies.

But for most parents of teens and preteens, the dilemma is that these phones aren’t just a tool for calling and texting. The question is larger: “When is my child ready to manage the broader implications, including addictive qualities, of cellphone ownership?”

Local parents Taylor Yetman decided to purchase a cellphone for her daughter when she turned 11.

“We got her an actual phone plan with a small amount of data when she started going to friends’ houses for sleepovers… and hanging out with friends while walking around our neighbourhood,” says Yetman.

The phone was one way for Yetman to feel assured of her daughter’s safety while she was out in the world without an adult nearby.

“I wanted her to have a way to contact me no matter what. And so, if she was ever in an uncomfortable situation, we’d have communication.”

Yetman educated her daughter on responsible phone usage and time spent on the device. Her daughter, now in high school, has never given Yetman a reason to feel regret over the decision. She describes her girl as a model student with a good head on her shoulders.

For Shayla Therrien, the decision to equip her nine-year-old with a cellphone had more to do with Therrien’s disability and the need to reach her daughter if she needed help.

“We did get her one sooner than we would have liked, but she’s very good with the rules we have,” Therrien says. “Her iPhone sends a request to my husband to allow app downloads [and puts] a kids restriction on YouTube.”

The family also has rules that restrict social media use.

For Therrien and her partner, a child’s safe possession of a cellphone has more to do with parental rules and vigilance than anything else.

Anita Peters agrees. She purchased a cellphone for her 12-year-old son when they lived in Winnipeg and he regularly walked to school.

“I had [a parental control app] on my phone,” she says. “What he saw, who he texted, and who texted him—all messages came to my phone. I could turn off all his apps at any given moment and set parental locks for age-appropriate material.”

She put a lock on his phone that restricted data use between the hours of 9:00 p.m. and 7:00 a.m. These restrictions remained in place until he was 18 years old and was able to purchase a phone of his own.

“We taught him that everyone must be accountable to someone so we don’t get ourselves in trouble,” Peters adds. “It was a principle we instilled in all our kids.”

For Julia Shvets, parental control apps are great, but there’s still a limit to the reassurance they can provide. This is especially true as children become savvy and find ways to beat the system. 

Like Peters, Shvets purchased a cellphone for her son in Grade Six when he walked to school in the city. She wanted to be able to track his location.

“[His] cellphone usage became a concern,” Shvets says. “We observed how easily teens become distracted by their phones. It has truly become a modern-day addiction.”

This addiction drove her son to find clever workarounds.

“Our child managed to delete the parental control app,” she says. “How? We still don’t know. He even offered to mow a neighbour’s lawn in exchange for their wi-fi password.”

Monitoring and managing a child’s cellphone use can be practically a full-time job, she says, adding that it’s incredibly important for parents to lead by example. Which, for many adults, is also a problem. 

“If you’re in a position to delay giving your teen a cellphone, I would strongly recommend doing so,” she concludes. “The longer you can postpone it, the better.”

Emily Lohr is 24 years old with no kids of her own—yet. When she was a teenager, her parents bought her a flip phone with only the most basic call and text features.

She’s a keen observer, though, of what cellphones have done to her generation and those now entering their teens.

“Social media and cellphones are ruining the brains of children and taking away their childhood,” says Lohr. “Excessive screen time can greatly impact their early language development, can create behaviour problems and social interactions. I’ve noticed the difference between kids and teens that do and do not have phones.”

She’s also noticed kids who struggle with face-to-face communication and focus, even when involved in imaginative play, after getting a cellphone of their own.

“I’ve seen kids at family gatherings or school events who stay glued to their screens instead of interacting or playing with others their age,” Lohr says. “Meanwhile, those without phones tend to be more engaged in creative play, are more present, and often show stronger social awareness.”

Of course, this is a generalization and not a rule, she says, and parental involvement makes a big difference.

An Expert Speaks to the Dangers

Martin deSudbury lives with his family near Île-des-Chênes. He and his wife are parents to five children who range in age from toddler to 11 years old. He’s also been an officer with the Winnipeg Police Service (WPS) for the past 18 years.

Seven years ago, deSudbury assumed the role of school engagement officer in the WPS’s community relations unit. In this position, he contracts with schools that are willing to add the WPS health and safety educational component to their curriculum.

During his time in this role, deSudburry has provided online safety presentations to thousands of parents and students.

His elementary school addresses focus on teaching kids about safe information-sharing and avoiding oversharing, awareness of online predators, and communication with parents about their online activities.

“Believe it or not, we’re starting to see a lot more harassment, bullying, and sexting issues, even in Grades Five and Six,” deSudbury says. “I think it stems from parents giving free rein to kids to surf the net and when the phones and tablets are not taken away at bedtime. This is where kids will find stuff online and develop these unhealthy behaviours and habits.”

For those in the middle and high school years, deSudbury’s talks also include the mental health impacts of social media involvement and device attachment.

He gives strong warnings when it comes to the sharing and possession of intimate images.

Police have seen the phenomenon of sexting grow exponentially among young people since 2009. For deSudbury, it’s likely connected to increased access to online pornography.

“Exposure to pornography really paints a [negative] picture to these very young, easily influenced minds of what a healthy sexual relationship should look like.”

Over the past decade, the sharing of intimate images has provided a convenient blackmail tool for predators, ex-partners, and peers alike.

“Let’s say somebody shares intimate images of themselves,” he says, offering an example. “The other person might say, ‘Now you need to send me more photographs or I’m going to release these photos to everyone in your Instagram account.’”

This can happen via actual acquaintances, but it’s equally likely to happen with child pornography distributors who pose as young people.

“That is a big message we’re trying to get across,” he adds. “Who you meet online is not necessarily who you think they are. We all want to be accepted, I realize that. It’s just human nature. But you have to be careful online.”

If kids understood the legal ramifications of sexting, some may reconsider their actions.

“If a child under the age of 18 is sharing or distributing any images of a person that’s nude or semi-nude, that is construed [by police] as possession and distribution of child pornography,” deSudbury says.

In Canada, the Youth Criminal Justice Act applies to kids between the ages of 12 to 17. Any youth who is found to have intimate images of another youth on their device, or is caught sharing those intimate images with others, can be incarcerated.

In the same vein, any child or youth who sends a nude or semi-nude photo of themself to another person is guilty of distributing child pornography, even if the photo is their own. They then put the receiver of the photo at risk by making them guilty of possession.

“The majority of issues that we encounter in schools when it comes to sexting [involve kids] in Grades Eight, Nine, and Ten,” says deSudbury. “You would think it would be in Grade 11 and 12, but by that time I think they’ve developed a bit more maturity. There’s still a lot of sexting, but not to the same level as there is [in earlier grades].”

When these images are reported, the WPS works to get them taken offline through a program provided through the Canadian Centre for Child Protection.

“Through Project Arachnid, they will look for specific images online and they will delete them,” says deSudbury. “It’s pretty incredible what that organization is doing.”

Unfortunately, by the time that happens, the damage might already be done. This is evident in the number of calls the WPS get from parents whose children are experiencing extreme emotional distress or suicidal ideation after their photos, shared in innocence, ignorance or while under pressure, were revealed online.

DeSudbury cites the case of a mother he met at a Youth Matters conference in Winnipeg. She lost her 17-year-old daughter, Rehtaeh Parsons, to suicide as a result of online sexual harassment that took place when she was just 15.

The case received national attention and was later responsible for the enactment of new laws around sharing intimate images and cyberbullying.

Another matter of concern is toxic conversation, particularly those on the receiving end. 

But it’s not just online toxicity that affects kids’ mental health, he says. Screentime also reduces the number of sleep hours many kids get when they’re allowed to take their cellphones or tablet to their rooms.

And, finally, there’s the addictive component. Studies show that the dopamine highs kids get when they’re online or gaming can be equal in proportion to that of cocaine use, and just as addictive.

Advice to Parents

In defence of today’s kids, deSudbury says it’s really important to realize that, due to the prevalence of social media, they are facing pressures like no generation before them.

Although kids have always experienced bullying and harassment in school, it didn’t used to follow them home. That’s all changed. Home is no longer a safe zone for kids with so much online access.

And in defence of parents, they face tremendous pressure when all their child’s friends get cellphones. They don’t want their child to feel alienated.

The longer you can wait to give them data, though, the better, deSudbury says.

Parents should assess the timing based on each individual child. Their level of maturity and responsibility says a lot about whether they’re ready to manage good and safe cellphone practices.

“If you choose to purchase a smartphone, it’s okay, but you have to get involved. You have to set guidelines and rules, and you have to follow through.”

In deSudbury’s estimation, creating a contract between parent and child is a really good idea. The contract should clearly itemize the rules for technology use and repercussions should those rules be broken.

Passwords and cellphone entry authentication codes need to be shared between parent and child and cellphone privileges should be revoked if these passwords are changed without the parent’s knowledge.

Kids should be made aware in advance that the parent will review their phone use, apps, and internet browsing on a daily or weekly basis.

As smart and effective as parental control apps are, though, deSudbury warns that there’s also something they call vault apps that a child can use to disguise their activities. These apps may appear on the phone screen as calculators or calendars but are, in fact, places where online activity can be hidden from parental view.

“They can hide secret messages or photographs and the parents will never know because you need a special code to get in,” says deSudbury. “We encourage parents to look at their apps or Instagram or Snapchat. And if you know that they are on their phones a lot but you can see very little [activity], there’s a very good chance that they have a second Instagram or Snapchat account hidden somewhere and they are only showing you the ones that are [safe].”

Finally, he says, lead by example. Don’t spend your time scouring the internet or scrolling through social media when your children are around. Be present, available, and engaged if you’re going to expect your kids to do the same.

For deSudbury and his wife, establishing regular family activities which distract kids from potentially harmful technology is a great way to help combat the problem.

“We don’t want to create a robot of our child. We want to create independent, strong, responsible, and accountable people.”

It’s also important to recognize that there are circumstances where technology and social media have benefitted kids. DeSudbury cites one example of a boy who didn’t fit into any social group at school. He felt isolated and depressed until he found an online community that shared his interest in the game of chess. For this child, and his parents, the discovery was life-altering.

What to Do When You’re Concerned

For parents or youth concerned about mental health, online addiction, harassment, or abuse, deSudbury recommends reaching out to the Kids Help Phone by dialling 686868. Professional counsellors are available 24/7 to help both parents and kids deal with questions and concerns they have.

“They’ve saved a lot of lives because kids have reached out to them.”

If you suspect that intervention is needed, the RCMP or WPS can also help.